Not too long ago, I walked into a boardroom to deliver a keynote on leadership. I was wearing a steel blue blazer, bold lipstick, and my signature energy. I saw the sideways glances. I heard the whispers — “She’s a bit extra, isn’t she?”
And you know what?
I smiled. Sat taller. Spoke louder. Because once upon a time, that comment would’ve crushed me. Now? It fuels me.
Because I’ve learned something powerful: You can either shrink to make others feel comfortable, or you can rise and invite them to do the same.
So when someone says, “You’re too much,” I now respond with this:
“Am I extra? Or are you just basic?”
Let’s unpack that.
Where “Too Much” Comes From (And Why It’s a Lie)
Growing up, we’re told that being a good girl means being:
- Quiet
- Polite
- Agreeable
- Modest
- Accommodating
Be ambitious — but not too ambitious. Be confident — but not arrogant. Speak up — but don’t be bossy. Be emotional — but not hysterical.
It’s exhausting.
We learn to self-monitor constantly. We tone down. Blend in. Apologise for everything — even our success.
And when you start reclaiming your voice, your presence, your passion, people get uncomfortable. Because you stop playing by their rules.
But here’s the truth they don’t want you to know: You were never too much. You were simply in the wrong room.
What Being “Extra” Really Means
Let’s redefine it right now.
“Extra” isn’t a flaw — it’s your edge.
To be extra means:
- You walk into a space and OWN it.
- You don’t apologise for having a vision, a voice, or a volume.
- You give a damn about people, leadership, purpose, justice, and legacy.
People call you extra when they haven’t given themselves permission to live fully.
Your energy becomes a mirror, reflecting back to them where they’ve dimmed. And that can be confronting.
But their discomfort? Not your burden.
Tips: How to Embrace Your “Too Much” and Lead With It
Here are 6 bold ways to stop shrinking and start rising:
1. Catch the Criticism and Translate It
When someone calls you “too much,” ask yourself:
- Are they reacting to my confidence… or their insecurity?
- Is this about me disrupting the status quo?
- Am I being punished for passion?
Reframe it: “I’m not too much. I’m just more than they’re used to.”
2. Get Clear on Your Core Values
Knowing what you stand for gives you an inner anchor when others try to shake you.
Write down your top 5 values. Mine include:
- Courage
- Kindness
- Truth
- Service
- Integrity
These are my compass. So when someone labels me “extra,” I check back in with my values, not their comfort.
3. Take Up Space – Physically and Vocally
You’re allowed to take up space.
- Speak up in the meeting (even if your voice shakes).
- Sit at the table — don’t hover on the edges.
- Wear the colour, the heels, the red lipstick — whatever makes you feel powerful.
Presence matters. Leaders aren’t invisible.
4. Stop Over-Explaining Yourself
You don’t need to justify:
- Your career ambition
- Your leadership style
- Your boundaries
- Your emotions
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Then stop talking.
Silence is powerful, too.
5. Train Your Brain to Stop Apologising
Neuroscience shows that repeated thought patterns shape the brain.
So here’s a challenge:
- Replace “Sorry, but…” with “Thank you for your patience.”
- Replace “I hope that’s okay” with “Let me know if you need anything else.”
- Replace “I’m just wondering if…” with “I’d like to suggest…”
You’re not here to tiptoe.
6. Find Your People
Basic minds will drain you. Extraordinary minds will elevate you.
Surround yourself with those who see your brilliance and say, “More of that, please.”
This is why I created LeadershipHQ and Women Leaders — to gather bold, courageous humans who lead with heart and fire.
Why It Matters: The World Needs “Extra” Leaders
This isn’t about ego. It’s about impact.
We’re in a time where leadership is being redefined.
We don’t need more:
- Corporate robots
- Shrinking violets
- Empty titles
We need more:
- Human-centred leaders
- Truth-tellers
- Space-holders
- Fire-starters
If that’s “extra,” then sign me up twice.
To Every Woman Who’s Been Told She’s Too Much…
You are not too loud — you’re a voice someone needed to hear. You are not too emotional — you feel deeply, and that is a strength. You are not too confident — you’ve earned that power. You are not too ambitious — you are vision in motion.
You are not too much. You are more than enough.
And if someone can’t hold that?
Let them go. You’ve got bigger rooms to walk into.
Ready to Unleash the Bold? Book Sonia to Speak
If you’re planning an event, summit, or leadership offsite and you want to ignite the room, I’m your keynote.
I bring the fire. I bring the neuroscience. I bring the truth women in leadership have been waiting to hear.
Because I don’t just speak. I awaken. I shift. I empower.
Your audience will walk out taller, louder, and a little more extra — and I’ll make sure they never apologise for it again.
Book Sonia McDonald to speak. Let’s make bold happen.
Global keynotes, workshops, panels & women’s leadership events