“They told me to smile. To calm down. To not be so dramatic. To stay in my lane. To not let it get to me.”
And for a long time, I did.
I nodded. I smiled. I kept the peace. I swallowed the heat that rose in my chest when I was interrupted, underestimated, or flat-out ignored in rooms I worked damn hard to be in.
But one moment changed everything.
My Breaking Point
It was a Tuesday morning — I’ll never forget it. I was in a boardroom with eight men. I’d spent the past few months coaching their executive team, reshaping their culture strategy, and guiding their leadership transformation.
As I started presenting the results and recommendations, one of the directors — let’s call him Mark — leaned back in his chair and said, “That’s a bit emotional for a leadership program, don’t you think?”
I felt my face flush. Not from embarrassment. From rage.
I’d worked for months, grounded every insight in neuroscience and data, and still, the work was dismissed as “emotional” because I dared to talk about empathy, compassion, and leading with courage.
I smiled. I kept going. But inside, something cracked open.
Not broken — awakened.
Because here’s what I realised in that moment:
I wasn’t angry because I was weak.
I was angry because I cared.
I was angry because I saw through the bullshit.
I was angry because I had worked my ass off to be in that room, and I refused to shrink.
That wasn’t a meltdown. That was female rage.
And no one teaches us what to do with it.
Rage Is Not the Enemy. Dismissal Is.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that rage — especially female rage — is dangerous.
It is destructive – that it should be hidden, downplayed, or internalised.
But I’ve come to believe this:
Female rage is not a problem to fix. It’s a signal to follow.
It tells us something is out of alignment. It tells us a boundary has been crossed. It tells us we’re done playing small.
We’ve been trained to suppress it so we stay palatable. But what if that very fire is the source of our leadership? Of our power? Of our truth?
The Fire Is Sacred — Use It.
I look back now and realise that rage didn’t ruin me. It refined me.
It lit a fire that told me: “Enough with the performance. Enough with permission. Enough with being polite at the cost of being real.”
And since then, I’ve met so many brilliant women leaders who’ve felt that same burn in their chest — in meetings, in relationships, in conversations where they were told they were “too much.”
Here’s what I want every woman to know:
You are not too much. You are finally just enough. And you are no longer available for being dismissed.
How to Channel It (Without Burning Out)
So what do we do with this rage?
How do we use it to create, not destroy?
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Feel it.
Don’t numb it. Don’t run from it. Sit with it. Let it speak. Rage ignored becomes resentment. Rage witnessed becomes wisdom.
2. Name it.
Get specific. What boundary was crossed? What value was violated? What feels off?
3. Move with it.
Move your body. Rage is energy. Dance. Run. Scream into a pillow. Cry. Shake. Then… get still.
4. Create from it.
Write the email. Build the business. Say the thing. Draw the line. Raise your voice. Channel that fire into action.
5. Lead from it.
Let it sharpen your clarity. Let it protect your boundaries. Let it fuel your purpose. You don’t have to rage at someone — you can rage for something.
A New Kind of Leader
We don’t need more polite leaders who say what’s expected. We don’t need more women dimming their brilliance to stay likable.
We need leaders who are real. Leaders who are angry, not because they want to destroy the system, but because they know we can build something better.
Female rage is sacred. Use it. Don’t lose it.
Let it fuel your truth. Let it birth your vision. Let it blaze a trail that burns down the old stories that never served you anyway.
Your Turn
Have you ever felt that fire rise in you, and didn’t know what to do with it?
Did you channel it into change?
Or are you still learning how to?
Drop a comment, send a DM, or tag a powerful woman who’s owning her voice. This is the kind of leadership we need more of.
Let’s talk about it. Let’s normalise it. Let’s lead with it.