For years, I felt like a walking magnet for narcissists. Partners. Clients. Colleagues. But the worst? Bosses. If there was a narcissistic leader in the building, guess who they’d zero in on? Me.
And at the time, I didn’t understand why. I thought maybe I was unlucky or maybe I just needed to “toughen up.” Wrong. Narcissists love healers. They love empaths. They love leaders who care. Why? Because we’re their dream supply and I was the all-you-can-eat buffet.
Why Narcissists Love Healers
Let’s not sugarcoat this: narcissists know exactly what they’re doing. And when they spot someone kind, capable, and driven — someone who cares — they lock on like radar.
- Validation buffet: Healers give encouragement, recognition, and support like it’s oxygen. Narcissistic bosses thrive on that. They need cheerleaders, not challengers.
- We see potential, not toxicity: I can’t tell you how many times I told myself, “They’re just under stress,” when a boss humiliated me in a meeting. I saw the brokenness under the bluster and thought I could help.
- We take responsibility for their moods: If they were angry, I thought it was my job to fix it. If they were silent, I thought I had done something wrong. Narcissists love this because it keeps the spotlight firmly on them.
- We’re wired to serve: A narcissistic boss wants loyalty, endless effort, and devotion. Healers deliver that until we burn out.
My Boss Story
One boss I had years ago (let’s call him “Mr. Power Trip”) was the textbook narcissist. Charismatic on the surface, but behind closed doors? Manipulative, controlling, and ruthless.
At first, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. He praised me for being reliable, for always going “above and beyond.” I felt valued, like I was making a difference. But slowly, the mask slipped.
- He’d publicly take credit for my ideas, then privately tell me I wasn’t “ready” for bigger opportunities.
- If I made one small mistake, he’d tear me down in front of others — but frame it as “tough love.”
- He expected me to be on call 24/7, yet I never once heard the words “thank you.”
And you know what I did? I worked harder. I thought, If I can just prove myself, he’ll finally see my worth. But here’s the hard truth: narcissistic bosses never do. They don’t want you to shine. They want you to orbit them like the sun.
How I Finally Broke the Cycle
The day I realised I was being used — not led — was the day everything shifted. I stopped seeing Mr. Power Trip as a “leader with potential” and started seeing him for what he was: a narcissist feeding off my energy.
Here’s what changed:
- I stopped fixing. His behaviour wasn’t my project. It was his choice.
- I built boundaries. No more 10 pm emails. No more letting him drag me into his emotional storms.
- I reclaimed my worth. I stopped measuring my value by his approval. That was the game-changer.
- I walked away. And when I did, something powerful happened — I stopped attracting people like him.
The Truth Bomb
Narcissistic bosses love healers because we’re the perfect mix of capable and compassionate. We’ll get the job done, and we’ll do it while excusing their bad behaviour. But here’s the punchline: you can’t out-give, out-work, or out-love a narcissist into treating you better.
They don’t change because you care more.
They don’t grow because you sacrifice yourself.
And they don’t deserve the light you bring if all they do is dim it.
So, if you’re working under a boss like this, hear me clearly: you are not the problem. Their ego is. And the bravest thing you can do is stop being their supply.
My Call to You
I’ve been there. I’ve lived it. And now, I speak, coach, and train leaders around the world to spot the narcissists, break free from their grip, and lead with courage, clarity, and authenticity.
If you’re ready to:
✅ Build resilience against toxic leadership
✅ Step into your own power without apology
✅ Create a culture where people rise instead of shrink
Then let’s work together.
Book me as a speaker for your next leadership event. Bring me in as your coach if you’re done dimming your light.
Because the world doesn’t need more narcissistic bosses. It needs brave, human leaders who lead with courage — and I can help you (and your teams) get there.
If you satisfy on above please Connect with me here: https://soniamcdonald.com/
